Day 3: Epiphanies, Intentions, and the "Don't Give a Shit" Hormone

Day 3 = 1 pound and 8.3 ounces of veggies
Less than day 1 and 2, but if I would have done the egg scramble with all my veggies instead of a smoothie, I would have been at  2 pounds, 1.9 ounces..... is that right?! Ouch. Even though that stings a bit, the smoothy was all whole foods and really boosted my energy and gave me something different, so no regrets there. 

Today's epiphany felt like a win to me! I noticed that in the last 3 days my plate looks different. Instead of protein, veggie, and starch or carb (like garlic bread or rice), it is protein, veggie, veggie. That's not to say, I will never consume bread or grains, but I have found a goal with-in a goal. That is to have 2 servings of veggies on my plate most meals. 

I am having the nerdiest kind of fun with all of this. In such a short time, I'm learning a lot about myself, and where I want to be. It's not about dieting, losing weight, or becoming a title (like vegetarian, vegan, or Paleo) but rather getting back to a place of gratitude for everything my body allows me to do and honoring that by giving it what it needs to fuel a high quality life. Yes, I am totally geeking out and loving it!  

I do, above all else, believe in balance. I want to be sure anyone reading this understands this is not about setting a goal and half dying to achieve it. It's not about scarfing veggies before bed to make my two pound quota. As you can see, I haven't hit that mark yet, and still consider every day to be a huge win! This is about learning and refocusing my relationship with food, fitness, and myself.

 In keeping it real, I  somehow shifted to a very careless relationship with myself over the last year. Excess crap food, drinking, and loafing around has been my main existence, with bursts of "Oops! Better reel it in!" moments of 'being good'.  I think a lot of it has been changing hormones and that has made it harder to give a shit. I actually did a   "dont give a shit vlog" 
about 3 years ago (click on the "don't give a shit vlog" link above to view).... and this last year, my "don't give a shit" got the best of me.  I share this because I know many of you reading this may experience this and not know why. Hormones are definitely something to look at, but that's a different blog. 

Here is day three's food and fitness log: 

Breakfast : (2 oz. veggies) 
I know, far cry from yesterday, but I think variety is important. So this morning's smoothie, inspired by Dr. Mark Hyman really good! Here are all the nutrient goodies in today's smoothy, 
1/2 banana, 2 c kale , 1/2 c frozen, organic, blueberries, 1/2 T fresh ground almond butter, 1/2 T coconut oil, 1/2 T hemp seed, 1/2 T chia seed, 4 walnut halves,  1 T pumpkin seeds, 1 c unsweetened almond milk. 6-7 ice cubes. SO GOOD! Oh, must not for get, 2 c coffee with organic half and half and coconut sugar.
Calories: 471

Lunch: (9.5 oz veggies) - Must eat the left-overs before they spoil!
4 oz. wild salmon, 1 c fresh, sauteed green beans, 1 c brussels sprouts, diced sweet potatoes, and purple onion .
Calories: 392


 


Snack: (5.7 oz veggies) 
veggie plate with hummus 
Calories: 105 





Dinner: (7.1 oz veggies)


3 oz bison meatloaf, stir fry summer veggies (squash from Laura's garden *Yum! Thanks Laura!* purple carrots, orange peppers, white onion, jalapeno), and a salad (mixed greens, white onion, peppers, cucumber, cherry tomato, green onion, live sprouts, and blueberries) with Tessemae's balsamic.

Oh! And my fitness for today was 1 hour yoga in my studio and a couple of short walks with my dog. 

Total calories for today were 1523.  


 

Real Talk.

The worst conversation you could possible loop me into, is the one where you tell me why you can't be healthy. 

"I can't afford a gym"
"I have no time to exercise"
"It costs too much to eat healthy"
"I don't like drinking  water"
"I have too much to do to get good sleep"
"My joints ache"
"I have ________, so I can't exercise."
"I don't like the taste of healthy food" 
"My family won't eat that." ..........

You can feed me, or yourself any line you want, but the truth is, You Choose. You Choose. You choose. Every day, you choose. 

Age will wear down your joints and body over time, but how you treat your body over all, through out your life, will greatly determine your later years. 

We all have challenges. We all have things in our lives that make it hard, really hard, to exercise, eat well, get plenty of sleep, and all the other things that contribute to good health. We choose everyday, how healthy we want to be. Even amongst the aliments, illnesses, disease, aches and pains, hectic schedules, lack of money, and everything else that can possible get in our way,  we choose to work around it, triumph over it , or become victim of it. WE CHOOSE.

And if we understood that how we choose to live our lives will greatly affect how many  chronic illnesses we acquire, maybe then, we would choose differently, instead of believing that those are things we just randomly fall victim to. 

We choose. 

Just a Personal Vlog and where I Am Now vs. Where I Want to Be

Just a personal check in on where I am and what are my goals....

ShredFit Fitness Vlog: Does your perception interfere with your success?

TOUGH QUESTION: 
When you struggle with a goal, do you tell yourself it's because of the choices you are making, or are you struggling because other people or situations are making it too difficult? Are your perceptions standing in the way of your success?

ShredFit Fitness Vlog: PMS - Do you ever just not give a shit??

Getting real! Most of the time I love being/getting/staying healthy!! But sometimes PMS makes me just not give a shit.... You?

Shit just got real.... Can we do away with perfect bodies please?! They ...

I'm really proud of this vlog. Here is why. I am 43 years old, in great shape, lift weights, size 6, muscular, and lean enough to show my hard work. People assume that my 6 pack looks the same.... Nope! It could. But at 43 getting that lean with my build is not my top priority. 

News flash people: 
Even your trainers, coaches, and fitness instructors have imperfect bodies, with stretch marks, fat percentage, and wrinkles.... Who knew!?
ALWAYS KEEPIN' IT REAL!

ShredFit Vlog: Are you getting heathy with a Partner?

Just a thought or two about why I teach....

I love having the rare chance to learn so much about my community!

 Getting the opportunity (through teaching) to meet so many people in my community , I otherwise may not have connected with, is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.  Tonight, talking to a few members after class,  I felt so privileged that they wanted to share  their  stories and allow me to get to know where they've been and how far they've come.


Another incredibly rewarding part of teaching, is witnessing  families work out together. It is the most amazing bond to watch. We have a  father/daughter who come in and really connect to help push each other in class. We have a married couple and son who workout together and truly support and push one another. (Tonight mom and son partnered up and took a box push-up *traveling push-up to make a square* to a new level, to team up and really push each other through it. Coolest thing EVER!!!) We have another married couple who support and push each other (hubby just beams with pride when his wife talks about her accomplishments). We have a mom, daughter and her husband and their son (three generations) who work out together and I must say,the strength in that family is unwavering! I also can't forget to mention the community center family...the ones who work at the center and come to class together. They  add spark, humor, and a whole bunch of fun!! 

Tonight an entire "fitness family" came in together (like a reunion)!! Their bond has formed in several different gyms for years and the energy in the room when they are all together is just a huge lightening storm!! I loved it!!

Needless to say, tonight was a great class for the instructor. Not much different from any other night I teach, but this is why I keep coming back!

I LOVE MY COMMUNITY! 
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Vlog -Own your crap and be at peace with it. 6/10/13

INSTRUCTOR'S LOG:Give the class you hate another chance....YOU MIGHT FIND YOU LOVE IT!

Do you love group fitness? Have you ever taken a class you just hated?! Did you go back?

 I love step!!! Really!! LOVE STEP!! LOVE Choreography!! LOVE lots of combos strung together!! I will never teach it, but I love to take it.

Step seems to be dying in my area. It's really hard to find evening classes to go to.  Last Fall I tried a new step class. I HATED IT!! The instructor called everything by different names, break downs were frustrating and not nearly long enough for me to get. As an instructor myself, I HATED standing next to my step looking like a lost pup in the woods!! I swore I'd NEVER go back!! (Note all the caps here. I was passionate about hating this class)

I have only taken a handful of step classes since (from other instructors). I still LOVE step, but as an instructor with a full time day job and family, plus classes of my own to teach, I rarely have time to take a class.

Tonight was Hot yoga night. I love hot yoga, but tonight I was hyper and needed to play! STEP!!! I searched for a class at all the clubs! I would have paid at a club I don't belong to just to take a step class. The only class on any surrounding area schedule was.....you guessed it... The one I swore I'd NEVER go back to. Crap!!! What to do?? I swallowed my pride and went....knowing I'd HATE it and would probably stand there again  trying to figure the moves.....

I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking back, I'm pretty sure I hated the class because I was having an off night. Yes, it is a tough class. But this time it clicked..I got it, and had a blast.

As an instructor, I urge you to go back to those classes you hated.  Sometimes the ones you hate the most, turn out too be the most challenging and most rewarding.

Now I know not every class is for every person. I'm not a personal fan of Zumba, or Cycle, but I have been several times just to be sure. You just never know the fun you might be missing out in if you don't give it more than one chance. =]  

Image vs. Happiness

Have you seen the new show Chicago Fire?  Even coming out of a fire covered in soot, these people are beyond McDreamy gorgeous, right?!  Perfect bodies, great hair, beautiful smiles,  type A personalities, with that "it" factor that just draws you in. Images.... Are they real? Well in this case, of course not! 

But what about in the real world? Your friends, co-workers, or other people you know?  Do you ever find yourself comparing their lives to yours? Do you find them to be, better looking, smarter, having a better job or more money? Maybe they have more friends, do super cool things every weekend, or just seem to have it all together.

The number one thing that makes us feel unhappy or inadequate is the image we hold of others.  Even with people we know, we tend to glamorize their lives, never really looking at the whole picture. Social media has perpetuated these images, making life all around us seem better than our own.

What does this have to do with being fit or healthy? Everything!! 

If we can't appreciate and value where we are in our own lives, we can't appreciate the learning process and journey our lives have to offer. After all, the reason we buy into all the "diet industry" has to offer is because we cannot accept where we are in our own lives now. We crave the instant gratification of having that dream body . We look at others who have that body and wish we were more like them. 

True happiness doesn't work that way though.  Even if  the Good Witch of the North herself came with her  magic wand and granted us the body or life we wanted, the same dysfunctions of our old life would still be standing in our way of true happiness.  It is looking with-in and learning to accept and love ourselves that will create that inner peace of not needing to be like anyone else but you. And when we can truly be grateful for our own life without longing for someone elses, true health and happiness will come our way.

So when you look in the mirror and you see all of you own imperfections, look with love. Whether you see them in others or not, we all have them. We are all imperfect creatures.  Our imperfections make us human, and give us common ground. While our imperfections or dysfunctions may be different, they give us our wisdom, humbleness, and uniqueness, and set the stage for all we are to learn and pass on in life. 

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same." 

~Marianne Williamson

What does it mean to be a student?

The most fulfilling thing is to walk into a fitness class (in my case yoga) , as a fitness instructor, and allow myself to be a humble student.  When we can let go of our ego and trust that there is always more to learn, we can grow beyond belief. 

I learn something every time I walk into another person's class. Sometimes I learn technique, alignment, form, or just another way to get to a posture. I always learn something new about myself. Acceptance. Being in the moment. Observing my mind; am I impatient, frustrated, distracted, or at peace with the moment. 

What ever the lesson, I take it with me. I own it. I accept my imperfections as I strive to learn more. 

Next time you take a class, be it fitness, or other wise, allow yourself to be present, humble, and vulnerable. 
There is so much to discover.

Vlog #2 Balancing my workouts

People will always have an opinion....Keep doin' YOU!!

 When you see me on the weight floor, I'm pretty focused. If you try to get my attention, I usually smile, tip my hat and continue on with my lifting.

Not today. Today I came in to sub a class and figured while I was there, I'd hit some chest and back. Just as I was making my way the pull up bar, I ran into an old lifting comrade of mine from a year or so ago, that always motivated me to push harder. I had  to stop and say hi!! I'm glad I did! We chatted it up for about 40 minutes! What a great conversation!! 

Isn't it funny how we remember things that were said to, or about us for a life time?  Most of us, by nature want to please. We want to be accepted, liked, respected, valued, and validated.

 I'll never forget....my son was 5 years old (he is now 19) and it was close to Christmas. We had just finished Christmas shopping and decided to go to Baskin Robins (in the mall) for a scoop of our favorite holiday flavor, peppermint candy!! We took our packages and ice cream to a mall table just outside the shop and enjoyed our treat, while talking about how much the people would love the gifts we had picked out. A man walking toward us stopped and interrupted this innocent mommy/son moment to inform me, that  I wouldn't be nearly this heavy if I didn't eat crap like ice cream. JERK!! I wanted to cry. Was that what people saw when they looked at me? A fat cow eating ice cream and getting fatter? He didn't see a mom having a holiday treat with her kid, he saw a fat cow eating ice cream.

" We don't see things as they are. 

We see them as we are."

~Anais Nin

It wasn't until years  later that I would understand what Anais meant.

Later in life, when I made the choice to get healthy (By the way,I still eat ice cream!)  I began lifting weights and body building. I love it!! I love the way I look! The way my chest ripples, the way my triceps cut into my delts!! I love the way I feel! So healthy and willing to feed my body the nutrients it needs to give me what it's giving me! I love feeling strong! My husband calls me Pops (short for Popeye), and I work hard to keep that title. Well, last year our best friends (husband and wife team) came to our house to play cards. The husband pulled my husband aside and told him I was starting to look a bit masculine. Kind of like Jillian Michaels. When my husband told me this, I didn't cry.... I grinned from ear to ear! Not because I want to look masculine, and I don't think I do. But, because what our friend perceived as masculine, I perceived as having reached a goal I had worked so hard to reach......and it was noticed.

Back at the gym this morning, my friend had told me she had given up body building because of how she felt other's were perceiving her. Her husband had expressed concern about her arms getting too big. I told her my hubbs had said that about my arms as well, and laughed. Then she told me, after dressing up and putting on some pretty high heals to go out, she overheard someone say, "yeah, Billy will probably get about as tall as that woman" and pointed in her direction. The guy next to him then replied, "That might be a guy (dressed as woman)."  From that point on my friend decided to just exercise lightly, and stop body building. That decision wasn't based soley on the those comments, life kind of got busy as well, but it had an effect on how she saw herself.

 She is now back in the gym, and misses how she felt and looked.

 Now, I can tell you first  hand that my friend got WAAAAAY more positive attention from her bodybuilding than negative! She is incredibly good looking and does not, at all resemble a guy. And most people in the gym marveled at her beauty and physique. But, what does she remember? What made her want to quit? The same thing that sticks in most of our heads.... the negative.

 I'll never forget the man in the mall. Most of us will hold onto moments like that for a life time, but the guy in the mall, probably doesn't at all remember meeting me that day. 

Why focus on what others think? What difference will it make? Everyone will always have an opinion, no matter what we do. But if we understand that their opinion ( good or bad ) is a reflection of them, and not us, we will be free to live and not worry about the judgement that others are trying to place on us. 

The second moral to this story?.... Choose your words carefully  when speaking to or about others. We are all swimming up stream with our own life struggles. Why make it harder on someone by degrading what they do, or why they  do it. 

My body is grateful for another day of rest and my soul was thankful for a moment with an ol' gym friend and thought provoking conversation. 

Thanks friend!!

My August Chalenge to you. Prioritize for health and happiness

"I want to be in shape, but I just don't have the time to workout." Eating healthy is too time consuming; who has time to cook?" "It's too expensive to have a gym membership." Fresh, whole foods cost too much. Plus, they go bad!"  I would love to eat healthy, but my family won't eat that kind of food."

I hear it all, and have said a few myself!

We set our lives up to be what they are. We make decisions every day that dictate our priorities and cause us to say these things when talking about our own health, happiness, and well being. 

We have made the decisions that having that nice car (payment) is more important than a gym membership, or buying those (cigarettes, beer, cookies, soda) is more important than using that money for whole foods, or over scheduling  little Billy with 4 different sports  in one season is more important than Mom's sanity and maybe a yoga class, or (in my case) taking on 5 classes a week in addition to my full time job, is more important than family time and time for myself. We all fall victim to our own choices and then hide behind them using excuses as our cover. 

But, how often do we step back and re-evaluate our priorities? 

How often do we lose our site of our priorities as we get sucked into the vortex of being too busy to remember what they were?  

Every so often, We need a mental day. A day to step back from our life and look at the big picture. Am I spending enough time with my family? Am I happy with where my health is? How is my stress level these days? What am I neglecting?  What can I give up or delegate to free up time or money for what is more important? 

My August challenge for you is to pick a day this month to take for yourself.   Use this day with no kids, no spouse, no work (you have the whole month to set this up, so plan for sitters, a day off from work, or what ever conflicts may come your way.) Take this day to re-evaluate your priorities. What do you want from life that you are not getting? What is standing in your way? What can you do without, get rid of, or delegate to free up the time or money needed for this?  

I do this on the regular! At least 2-3 times a year, I find I've lost sight of my priorities and I take a day to strategize. I usually find it's time to reduce my teaching schedule, or stop going out to dinner so many times in a week to free up money for a vacation with my hubbs, or spend less time on Facebook to free up more time to be in the kitchen prepping healthy foods. 

Sure! Giving up some responsibilities or making changes may disappoint others, but really? Is it all worth it if you're not healthy? If you're not happy? If you're not feeling fulfilled? What's the point? And honestly, the healthier and happier you are, the happier the people around you are. You know what they say... "If Mama ain't happy............."  

Make the time to get your life the way you want it to be. Life is too short to feel unhealthy, unhappy, or over stressed. Take the time to reconnect with what's really important to you.

Surround yourself with like-minded people for success!

The fastest way to reach your goals is to surround yourself with like-minded people. People who are successful at what you are trying to achieve. 

This is my soon to be Sister-in-law, Rachel. Gorgeous, yes? 

We recently took a road trip to Cali to help her and my brother-in-law with a convention they were putting on. Prior to this road trip, I allowed stress to get the best of me and my healthy eating became less consistent than I would have liked. As a result, I put on a few pounds and was feeling a bit sluggish. 

Road trips are goal busters for me!! Try as I might, inevitably I end up munching on all the wrong stuff and lots of it, just to stay awake on the road.  I knew I couldn't afford to do that this trip. 

This road trip was a success. All good food choices and knowing I needed little calories to sit in a car all day, I did great with raw fruit, vegies, and nuts!

Next challenge? Eating out!! 

We were so busy working on this convention, there was little time to cook. This is where Rachel taught me a lot.  Rachel has many food restrictions due to food sensitivities and her quest for better health. Watching her order, it dawned on me that now-a-days, most restaurants will modify and allow you to special order to fit your needs.

Going out to breakfast, the diner's menu options looked terrifying to my health and waist line. Following Rachel's lead, we ordered oatmeal, poached eggs, and a side of avocado, with lemon water. PERFECT!! So simple, yet special ordering for some reason didn't dawn on me before. I would have always picked the least offensive thing on the menu, knowing it was still unhealthy. 

Through out my entire stay, I watched the choices Rachel would make and allowed it to inspire me to make healthy choices, even when away from home. Funny right? It's simple common sense, but sometimes it takes watching someone else doing it for the connection to be made. In addition, Rachel's house is full of organic, whole foods. My house is pretty healthy, but I'm pretty sure her's well outdoes mine.

In addition to healthy eating, Being around Rachel is very calming. 

By nature, I am a high stress person. This trip was as high stress as it could be. So much to do with a tight deadline. To top it off Rachel was sick, and I was consumed with phone calls to the hospital my Mom was placed in due to serious illness. Through out all of the pressure to get so much done, I never saw Rachel get frazzled. I'm not saying she didn't feel stress, but she vented about the annoyances, and moved on, never losing her cool.

The last thing I want to do is paint a perfect picture here. Far from it! 

The thing that inspired me the most is all she has been through to get to this point. Rachel hasn't always been this healthy. In fact, it was her severe depression, endless health issues, and a wide variety of medications, that finally made her decide to change her life. Through cutting processed foods, as well as spending a lot of time finding which foods were affecting her health through food sensitivities, and taking up Bikram Yoga, Rachel has done a complete overhaul of her mental and physical health and has decreased the amount of medication she has to be on.

It is this perseverance that makes her one of the most inspirational people I am fortunate to know. Whenever we visit, I always find some inspiration to take home and apply to my own life. 

When you surround yourself with like-minded people who go above and beyond what you do in your own life to meet their goals, you learn more and are inspired to do more yourself.

I'm only just now really getting to know my sister-in-law, but I am so grateful to have her in our family!

It's the people who are willing to push through, no matter how hard, that inspire me the most. Those are the ones I seek to spend my time with. 

Who inspires you?

Ladies Only...

Do you ever wonder why one week you can blast through your workouts like Xena, and another week you feel like you're trudging through quick sand?

How about those beautiful weeks when staying on track with healthy eating is a breeze, while others you turn into a grizzly bear, ready to kill the person who stands between you and that cheesy nacho piled with re-fried beans!?

Journaling has given me invaluable information about myself!

As I solider through the beginning of my 40's, I have taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can about my body and all of its ticks. Watching a closely related female in my family go through many disheartening health issues, including menopause in the worst possible way, made me ultra aware that if I didn't start really looking at my life choices and the way I took care of myself, I was going to be in for a bumpy ride...(and so was everyone else around me). It was because of this that I began a "personal" journal. In addition to my workout journal and blog, I keep my personal journal that no one else but me sees....until now.
Here is a peak at some of things I track , and then I will share with you what I have learned and how I have applied it to my goals.

The page above shows a pms week. The hand written numbers are the days of my cycle. The red dots indicate the start of a new cycle. Here is what this page shows:

Day 23. mood: Good

Energy: Good
Appetite:CARBS!!

Day24: Mood: Tense
Energy:Struggling
Appetite: CARBS and JUNK PLEASE!!

Day 25: Mood: Very Tense, Leave me alone!

Energy: Low
Appetite: CARBS AND JUNK PLEASE!!

Day 26: Mood: Good
Energy: Good
Appetite: CARBS!

Day 27: Mood: Good
Energy:Good
Appetite: Good (back to healthy)

Day 1: Mood: Relaxed (started new cycle)
Energy: Relaxed
Appetite: Good

Day 2: Mood: Good
Energy:Good
Appetite: Good

In this journal I daily track my menstrual cycles (including pms symptoms of cramps, sore boobs, head aches, ex.), illnesses, moods, energy levels, appetite, doctor appointments, and all related stuff. On the side I make notes about the week. On this page I wrote, "1 week a month I burn out and rebel against tracking, journaling, ext. This was that week. I ate bad, didn't track or journal...BLAH! Being snowed in didn't help!"

In keeping such a journal, I know when I'm prone to eat poorly and therefore I pack pms friendly foods for lunch like soft tacos, open face sandwiches...things with more carbs and bread (all still healthy of course) instead of the typical salads. This helps with cravings and decreases the amount of splurging I do during pms (and I DO splurge! =)~


In addition, I have learned a great deal about myself and why I feel the way I do, when I do.This is also how I discovered my Hypothyroidism, which may have still been a mystery if I wasn't this tuned in.

This may sound excessive to some, but I have gained a great deal from this knowledge. I've learned to be accepting when I'm not at my best in the gym, what numbers on the scale really mean...or don't mean, what my appetite is telling me I need, and how to work with all the different quirks. Most importantly, this knowledge has freed me from feeling predispositioned (is that a word?) to a destiny of health problems as I age. I drive this bus, not my genetic make up.

I continue to learn and share because I know if I face certain challenges, so do some of you. I would love to hear how you are challenged by your body, medical issues, genetic make up and what you do to over come and/or be forgiving of some of these challenges.

For me, my journal provides a tool to trouble shoot areas of difficulty and improve. I plan to continue journaling since I know in the years to come, I will endure many changes as I age. I hope to inspired others to track, if only for a couple of months and see what new things you learn about yourself.

I welcome and look forward to comments, questions, thoughts and ideas! Please feel free to leave them here!

Let go of other's perceptions and Do You!!

Nearing the last view days of summer break, daytime TV has somehow crept into the background of putzin' around the house in my jammies.

The Wendy Williams' Show...have you seen this? Now I have to be honest, Wendy is not my cup of Joe. I find her some what annoying. But here's what I really like about her; she does Wendy! She is out there without a care as to what others think. Where most of us can sometimes be paralyzed with, "what others think", she is living the life of her dreams not caring about judgement.

Why do we skip the gym when we're having a "fat" day, refuse to get on the dance floor (even though our favorite song is on) ,or resist speaking in a meeting or workshop when we have something important to offer? Because we fear what others will think. Does it matter what others think?.... Why? So much of the time I find those who have the most to say about me are usually unhappy with their own lives and annoyed at my happiness . Or maybe I'm just not their cup of Joe...can't be everyone's! I'm okay with that! The point? When you can let go of other's perception of you, all you have left is your own....you know, the one that can't stop shaking the booty on the chair during that really cool song....
GET UP AND DANCE!!

Nature vs. Nuture.......Well..., It's a deep subject...

My most difficult relationship has been my greatest teacher. This relationship has shaped so much of who I am and what I stand for. I often wonder who I would be without this relationship. Would I be this strong? Would I have the balls to face all that I have in life? Would I look at others the way I do? Would I have this much drive and tenacity? Deep down I know the answers. Nature vs. nurture would have been disastrous in my case. In a twisted way, it was the harsh nurture that drove me to swim up stream and fight the very nature that may have dictated a very different me.

This relationship has pushed me to become who I am....who I want to be. It has made me strong and unbreakable. It has driven me to constant self evaluation, and improvement. It has taught me about control and boundaries.

I hope someday it will teach me about forgiveness and the balance of compassion and armor. In the mean time, I am grateful for all I have learned in life and how it has driven me through.

Don't discard. The most difficult relationships are your greatest teachers. Look with in and learn. You may not be able to control how another behaves, but you can control how it shapes you, and what you do with it. Will you let it fuel you into self destruction, or self improvement?